1. You date someone who is not only NOT a "hottie" in your eyes, but who you know isn’t right for you.
You prefer to date a "hottie," but as soon as you met this guy, you said you'd go out with him when you knew he wasn’t “it.” He was a nice guy, and it was comfortable to have someone to do things with for a while. But the longer you went out, the more people saw you as a couple, and that became a problem. Friends stopped fixing you up and you weren’t meeting anyone else because you were in a semi-relationship. Soon, you became isolated with him, and the longer you stayed, the more you had the nagging feeling that you should not rock the boat and leave because you might not meet anyone else.
Other issues also entered into your confusion, such as, you didn’t want to hurt his feelings and people said you two looked good together. Trying to please other people, as well as settling for someone you don’t really want, is a dating mistake you can get caught in for the rest of your life.
2. You move immediately into an exclusive relationship.
If you are dating someone you perceive to be a "hottie," you could become overwhelmed by chemistry before you even know him or her, and you are probably setting yourself up for relationship failure. Intense chemistry with a reasonably charming, attractive person can lead to immediate exclusivity and even talk of marriage. The problem is, it is impossible to know everything about a new person in a short span of time.
You need to meet the family, the friends, the past, and the present of your new love before you get committed. You don’t know what lurks under the surface that you may find you can’t live with. Some people discover that their abusive husband (or wife) masqueraded as a kind and caring soul in the beginning of a relationship. It takes time to know these things.
3. You have no clear idea what you are looking for in a relationship.
The most common dating mistake is to base your choice on a narrow set of criteria. Generally speaking, guys want chemistry and good looks in a woman; women want chemistry and career success in men. However, those qualities will not matter one drop if the person does not share your values.
Example: if you meet a beautiful girl that you are crazy about, and later discover that she is cruel to children and animals, that chemistry will vanish and she will soon look ugly to you. Or, if you are a woman and you meet an impressive successful guy, but find out he is an unbelievable liar, your attraction to him will be zero! These "hotties" just won't last as relationships.
It’s important to be able to recognize your patterns of behavior so you can stop doing what you’ve always done, getting the results you’ve always gotten. You deserve a great relationship—and no more major dating mistakes.
A Date With Yogi Berra: Words and Wisdom for Singles
"This is deja vu all over again."
Have you ever felt like you are repeating some old patterns? Do you feel like you have been down a certain dating road before but don't know how you got there? Deja vu all over again is repeating and repeating yourself and that's fine if it brings you what you want. But when you are stuck, can't find the person you want to be with, and you keep doing the same things getting the same results, it's time to stop and look at your repetitive behavior.
"When you come to a fork in the road--take it!"
Do you have trouble making decisions about where to go and what to do when you get there when it comes to dating? The wisdom behind this quote is, don't stand there thinking about it too long--just do something. Whatever you decide to do will be better than doing nothing. Whether you take one road or another, you are going to learn something along the way, and you are going to meet people on your journey. Stay open and in charge of yourself, and get on down the road. Someone waits for you.
"You couldn't have a conversation there--everybody was talking."
He's right. It is very hard to have a conversation in a noisy place. So when you do meet someone you want to get to know better, choose a place that allows you to be able to talk at length without a huge amount of background noise. Loud music and noisy people can make it impossible to connect with someone. Try a picnic, lunch on a park bench, a walk through a garden, or a quiet restaurant you have checked out first.
"It ain't over 'til it's over."
This is my favorite. I remind my clients of this one every day. You aren't too old, too smart, too uneducated, too sophisticated, too shy, too fat, too thin, too country, or too city to meet someone. It is never too late to meet the love of your life. It ain't over until you say it's over, so any time you want to get back in the game, the world is waiting and ready for you.
Yogi shares his thoughts and wisdom in an honest, unsparing way. His often quoted words cause us to stop and listen to what we say and what we do that keeps us stuck in thinking there is no one out there.
He's right--it ain't over 'til it's over.
Visit https://www.loveawake.com for more tips, skills, and insight on dating, relationships, singles, and love. Subscribe to our dating newsletter from master single's coach, life coach, and syndicated columnist, Alex Wise. Copyright 2009-2020, Alex Wise. (Please note source if reprinting this article.)